Episode 5: Finding Your Calm In Change, Uncertainty, Or Chaos With Mindfulness Expert Dr. Regina Trammel
Are you stressed? Do you feel anxiety? What about during a Real Estate transaction? IN THIS EPISODE join us as we discuss the natural emotions that happen during uncertainty and overwhelm and simple practices to overcome it in everyday life with mindfulness expert and powerful speaker Dr. Regina Trammel.
Listen to Dr. Regina Trammel’s free Mindfulness Modules at www.teaandmindfulness.com.
As we continue our home buying journey, Lori sat down with mindfulness expert Dr. Regina Trammel to talk about some real life stories, practices to overcome stress in life, and moments of today’s pressures. Let’s get to it.
Listen to their conversation and hear some more of the tricks, trips, wisdom, and stories that we didn’t summarize. Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss an episode!
“Life Is Easy,” Said No One.
Life can be stressful, right? Now try adding in a Real Estate transaction.
Oh boy.
We know that buying or selling a home can be stressful.
That’s why Lori Alvarez sat down with mindfulness expert, Regina Trammel to guide us through this journey and to learn some techniques to help you through this process.
What do you dream about?
What dream home do you envision? What place have you clearly picked out since you were a child?
And then you call the realtor. And reality sits in. And then come the feelings. Oh the feelings.
The doubt. The questions. The work.
And maybe the feelings don’t set in. Maybe it’s no big deal! You’re ready to dive in! Well, to that we would say congratulations! You’re one of the few.
For the rest of us over-thinkers, over-preppers, billion-question bringers, we are here for you.
So What Are Some Questions That Come To Mind?
It may go something like this. Here’s a common list Lori shared in empathy and painted theatrics. Listen to the podcast for the full effect!
Lori In Your Buyer Shoes
THE FAMILY
“Oh my, what should we do with the kids?
What about their schooling and their friends?
The animals? Oh no, the animals Where will we put them? Will the cat find his way home once we move?”
THE PACKING
“The packing. Oh my, all the packing. Where will I put all my collection of cuckoo clocks? Do I have to take them down? (and the answer is yes.)
Yes, yes. We know you may not have cuckoo clocks, but you might be feeling a little cuckoo during the home buying and selling process.
Where does it all go?
What shall I do?
Does it all need to be packed? When?”
As the realtor I know you need it.
THE NEIGHBORS
“What would the neighbors think? We haven't told them yet.
What about my future neighbors? Will they be as amazing as these ones? Or as yucky as the ones I have now? Please don't tell me.”
THE DRIVE
“Oh, my commute. I'm so worried. What shall I do? I don't want it to be worse. And I would love for it to be better.”
THE HOUSE
“And then there's the showings and strangers entering my house. No, that can't happen. Why? Oh Why?
My house has so much work to be done. Oh no. How do I do it?
The strangers' feedback. I don't want them to tell me what's wrong with my house. Please. I can't hear it.
Oh my goodness in the inspector, what would they call out? I'm so overwhelmed. Oh my really they don't know all of what they're talking about, because my house is perfect of course.”
THE STRESS
“Yes, yes. Finally got my dream home.
Oh, no, the Home Inspection says we need a new roof. How can that be? I just can't do it. I have all these signs. It's all going wrong. Well, maybe I shouldn't move. Maybe this is my sign. I just don't know. I don't understand it at all. I just can't do it.”
THE REALITY
“And your realtor says yes—you can.”
You know what those signs are?
They're all signs that your life has been uprooted and moved. Your family is moving.
It really is that intense, and can be that overwhelming. If you don't know how to manage all those emotions, if you get caught up in all of the emotions, you will be a hot mess and probably lose it with one of us in the transaction. And it's really okay.
We can do this step by step, emotion by emotion, hand in hand will get you to where your dream home is. I promise. And we want to give you the tools to help you succeed. Because this, my friends, is my everyday life. I deal with these emotions every day. And I use all the tools that we're going to share daily for myself, to help all my wonderful clients out there. Make this walk through purchasing and buying real estate And then in the midst of it, you add what's happening COVID-19 or Coronavirus.
Add that to this moment. And you go, I don't know, how do I do it? How do I walk through this?
Here Is How You Overcome It
““It’s just how can we find peace right in the midst of adjustment...”
— Dr. Regina Trammel
Lori sat down with Dr. Regina Trammel, a trained professional in the area of stress and how to overcome it.
Wouldn’t that be a great thing to master? Once you’re done reading this article, check out her TEDTalk, Using Mindfulness to Deal with Everyday Pressures.
Tools To Walk Through Stress and Overwhelm In Life And The Real Estate Transaction
Regina Trammel ventured through the home-buying transaction with Lori Alvarez and Team a few years ago. So she is absolutely familiar with the realities of what we are about to discuss.
Life as we know it has changed. The Corona Virus, or COVID-19, has drastically disrupted normal life. It’s uprooted normalcy.
Trips to the grocery store, kids are out of school, social distancing, going to church online, and so forth. Nothing is normal. So what are you doing to cope? How are you adjusting?
WHY USE MINDFULNESS?
“It's just how can we find peace right in the midst of adjustment in the midst of understanding that we are going through something difficult, we don't know how to pandemic. We don't know how long this will be. But I think that there's hope and I think mindfulness can really be a good tool for all of us.”
“Mindfulness can be a tool just for us as everyday people just to remember, you know, remember what's important to remember how to be present.”
WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?
Dr. Regina Trammel defined it simply, “mindfulness is just being aware of the present moment [...] taking things in, being aware, focusing your attention in a non judgmental way.”
She emphasized that a “non-judgemental” way is key. Many people don’t feel like they are good enough, like they’re not doing something right, and are consumed by fears in general. Mindfulness allows you to take a realistic look on your thoughts and your life.
Second guessing, fear, and hesitation is normal. It’s a part of stress. It’s a part of change.
It’s especially common during the Real Estate transaction to second guess yourself, to question each decision you need to make.
Remember, that’s why your Real Estate Agent is there. They’re there to guide you through the stress, the change, the chaos, the uncertainty.
SO HOW CAN MINDFULNESS HELP US DURING CHANGE, CHAOS OR UNCERTAINTY?
It’s a tool for everyday life, not just in real estate.
It can help you to make rational decisions and experience peace during stressful moments.
Dr. Regina Trammel dove into biology and stress and why mindfulness is a great antidote for it.
Our bodies feel stress and anxiety naturally and we see that in our natural fight, flight, or freeze response.
For example, during this COVID-19 and Shelter in Place:
People went into fight mode and began buying toilet paper, to get the things they needed for survival.
People went into flight mode and escaped off to vacation homes, more remote areas, seeking solitude in places like Joshua Tree, or Big Bear here in California.
And some people are simply frozen and have no clue how to respond.
SO WHAT ABOUT AN EXAMPLE IN REAL ESTATE?
*Side fact: a real estate transaction can be just as stressful as divorce or losing a spouse.
So during the transaction you may begin to fight for your personal needs, choose flight and cancel the transaction in fear, or completely freeze in indecision.
Stress and Your Physiological Body
Dr. Regina Trammel said stress activates the limbic system, our emotions and memories that are stored in the amygdala and hippocampal region of your brain.
“Fancy words for basically saying these deeper parts of your brain where you're not really thinking you're not really able to process or assess your feelings or thoughts in a way where it’s not normal.”
So in those moments when you're stressed and you don’t know what to do--it’s normal. Don’t worry.
Here’s where the value of a Real Estate Agent really shines. They are able to relieve that stress and ease you towards your home ownership goals and allow you to be mindful. You focus on the dream, and they take care of the details.
With expertise paired with a mindful approach to the home search you can lower those stress levels way down.
When you slow down you’re given an opportunity to listen to what you’re thinking and feeling.
“As we meditate, as we're mindful, we can slow our heart rate down, we can slow the parasympathetic fight flight or freeze hormone being released in our bodies. And then we can start to think and we can start to feel and to understand and process those emotions in a healthier way, in a less reactive way.”
So how can you make mindfulness a part of your everyday life?
IN MOMENTS
Look for those moments when you need to slow down.
Look for those moments when you know you can slow down.
Mindfulness is a practice. It takes practice to rewire your brains, to find stillness, to be less reactive.
Often we are surrounded by a fast paced life, especially here in Southern California.
Don’t add this to your to-do list. It’s not a burdening task you need to take care of. It’s an additional opportunity to be healthy. Don’t make lessening your stress become a stressor. Just make it a part of your lifestyle and incorporate it into your daily experiences.
Lori Alvarez’s Real Estate Reflections
As a Real Estate Agent they are used to the stressors of the home buying process. Lori realized that, “I naturally [practice mindfulness] when I'm helping people because I get people who tell me all the time, how do you do this? How do you deal with this every day? And I've just learned to be quiet, to let people process their emotions. I just let them know it's okay. I'm a safe place, you can process where you're at. I understand that this is very stressful for you.
““And I’ve just learned to be quiet, to let people process their emotions.”
— Lori Alvarez
SO HOW DOES LORI EXERCISE MINDFULNESS?
Reads
Prays
Journals
Practices
Dr. Regina Trammel wanted to add to that practice.
THE IMPORTANCE OF A BREATH
“Breath is the foundation of mindfulness practice.”
When we are stressed we tend to forget to breathe or we take shallow breaths.
Dr. Regina Trammel recommends using the 4-count breath. Inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, and exhale for four counts. And do that for about 10 repetitions, or how ever many you need to reset your attention and relax. This will lower your heart rate, release oxygen to your brain, and relax your body.
Give it a go and try it now before you continue reading.
After breathing, take note of what’s around you. Regina recommends using this time outside because nature is a fantastic tool to contemplate slowly.
As she talked to Lori she sat on her backyard patio, slowly noting
The palm trees swaying gently
The leaves rustling
Gaps of visual space to match her breath
“As I'm talking to my breath is being kind of changed. It's changing to the rhythm of the way I see these palm fronds move back and forth as it moves left as it moves, right and breathing in and breathing out. And focusing your mind on setting your attention there.”
Remember to release the judgment. Don’t judge yourself amidst the chatter in your mind. Allow yourself to breathe and be still. Take a walk outside, look at the birds, the blue skies, feel the sunshine on your skin.
“Take that in, allow it to heal my body, allow the sensation of it to flow into me, I'm going to breathe out and maybe I breathe out some of that stress purposefully.”
BE LIKE THE RHYTHM
Think of the life of a monk at a monastery practice.
They structure their day. There is a rhythm and a flow.
“When you wash a dish, just wash the dish.
— Dr. Regina Trammel
“If you look at the rhythm of their day, they're working right there. They're planting. They're, they're sweeping, they're washing dishes. I think it's good little cues for us. When you wash a dish, just wash the dish. What would it look like to feel the warmth of the water on your hands, too?”
Find the moments in your day and build it into your practice. Let the clean up after dinner time be your peace. Allow it to be therapeutic.
Slow down and feel the warmth as you sip your morning tea or coffee
Dr. Regina Trammel has also written some research articles about the benefits of mindfully sipping your tea and coffee.
“Take that mug, put your hands on the mug. Feel the warmth sip it slowly. Feel the sensation of a hot liquid going down, let it soothe your belly. That can be really soothing, especially when we're nervous and stressed our muscles and our stomach gets a little tight.”
Try something in your daily life and see what works for you.
““I get to help families find that space that they can call their home.”
— Lori Alvarez
Home Safe Home
Your home is your safe space.
It’s home sweet home. Lori gushed, “It's one of the reasons why I love what I do is I get to help families find that space that they can call their home. It’s such an opportunity for everyone to just re-invent themselves and their schedules and their life in their family and their day to day.”
Your home is an opportunity.
Dr. Regina Trammel added, “I think in your line of work, the gift of that is helping people create home; really helping people create and find homes and to nurture themselves through a home.”
To have a home is a blessing. It’s your protective space, shelter.
Even more so right now with the COVID-19 virus circulating.
Dr. Regina Trammel’s Reflections
Dr. Regina Trammel reflected on Scripture, Galatians 5:22-23, and the experience of peace from the Spirit.
Tune in to the podcast to hear how she believes our world operates in a state of non-peace and the importance of taking the COVID-19 virus seriously.
Closing Thoughts
To circle it back to today’s moments, we hope you’re doing well during this time of social distancing. Seize the chance to slow down. To be mindful. Share this with someone else and inspire them! Share what’s going on in your life. Share the stresses, share the joys. And have a mindful day.
Dr. Regina Trammel teaches at Azusa Pacific University in the Masters of Social Work Program. If you’d like to get in touch with her you can email her at RTrammel@apu.edu. Her emphasis focuses on a Christian perspective of mindful practices for stress management. She loves to talk about mindfulness and is currently working on writing a book on Christian mindfulness and will be working with Psychologist, John Trent.
Want to hear more about it? Listen to Episode 5 of Lori Alvarez’s Real Estate With Soul: Finding Your Calm In Change, Uncertainty, Or Chaos with Mindfulness Expert Dr. Regina Trammel
Thanks for reading. We hope you found this useful for your journey.
Interested in hearing Regina’s TEDTalk from TEDx at Azusa Pacific University, “Using Mindfulness to Deal with Everyday Pressures”? Watch it here!
Visit Dr. Regina Trammels website for more! Listen to her free Mindfulness Modules at www.teaandmindfulness.com.
Real Estate is an ongoing story. Tune in to the next episode where we will talk with Amy Cruz, Lori’s sister about memories in their own home sweet home.
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